I broke it off with a new guy within 40 minutes of our first date!
So, I met a guy and we arranged a date. We were supposed to meet at 3pm. We’d talked earlier that day about the general vicinity where we would meet and checked in by phone at 2pm to confirm an exact meeting place. I told him that I’d be hanging out at our meeting point because it was a place that I enjoyed and that I was waiting for him.
At 2:50pm, I checked my watch and put up my antenna. At 3:22pm, no date AND NO PHONE CALL. I decided to call him.
Me: “Hey! I’m calling to check on you to see if everything is okay or if you got lost.”
Him: “I’m coming; however, I had a few things that I needed to finish up. I’m coming.”
Me: “It is 3:22pm.”
Him: “I’m sorry, but I’m coming.”
Me: “It didn’t occur to you to call? If you were busy, we could’ve met up at a later time or different date (Mind you, he asked for this date!)! Why don’t you go ahead and do what you have to do?! We’ll reschedule later.
3:25pm. I’m fuming and have no intention of rescheduling ever again and go back to doing what I was doing.
3:35pm. Phone call
Me: “Hello?” (As if I don’t know who it is. To my defense, his info hadn’t been saved yet!)
Him: “I’m really sorry! I was coming but I have a few things that I had to do. I knew you were going to be there, so I didn’t see the need to call.”
Me: “I’m sure you knew before 3pm that you weren’t going to be here at 3pm. I think it is rude to assume that I would just wait for you. You should’ve asked. Further, you don’t know whether I have anything to do afterwards. You can’t assume that my entire afternoon was free and dependent upon you.”
Him: “I’m sorry; however, I’d still like to come.”
Me: “I don’t think that’s a good idea. If this is a first date and impression, I don’t want to find out what is come. I am not excited about it anymore.”
Him: “What are you saying?”
Me: “I’m saying that I’m not good company for you right now.”
Some might say this reaction is cold; however, I challenge you to consider this: if I hadn’t called him, how long was I supposed to wait to hear from him? Was he ever going to call me or was he just going to show up at 4pm? 5pm? Ever? The nerve!
You teach people how to treat you! Do you really want to start getting to know somebody who thinks this kind of behavior is acceptable? Do you really want to have a conversation on the first date about being annoyed (Yes, you have to have the conversation to make sure it doesn’t happen again)? I don’t think so; it really isn’t worth it. Remember, early on, unless you’re desperate, you don’t have anything invested. Boy, bye!
Ladies, the same thing is true for you. The man comes to pick you up, and you aren’t ready. Nobody wants to sit in your living room waiting for you to finish your makeup and hair. You agreed to be picked up at 7pm. He chose the movie or made the reservation based on you being ready on time. Nobody owes you that! And guess what? You knew at 6:30pm that you weren’t going to be ready. You owed him a phone call! Perhaps, he skipped something he needed to so that he could pick you up on time.
When you’re trying to get to know someone, don’t expect them to be “Ride or Die” from the beginning. Don’t expect people to self-sacrificing if they haven’t gotten to know you. Frankly, there is nothing about you that warrants that from a stranger. Sounds cold, doesn’t it? Well, my dear, it is true none-the-less. You have to earn sacrifice from someone. If you don’t earn it, you take it for granted. Until you understand the person, you don’t even realize what you’re asking them to do. It is not about giving you a chance: it is about you minding your manners. Don’t treat a newbie as if they owe you something. Save the demands for someone who has already grown to love you.
Would you show up late for any other “interview”?